The Power of Gratitude

Monica Castanys

We teach kids to say "please" and "thank you" right from the start. We know all too well that awkward exchange with a child where their parent prods and asks "what do you say?" over and over until the kid finally mumbles a thanks. 

Many of us say thank you as a default, the same way we practice the "how are you" "I'm good, how are you" exchange. It's not that we really mean it, but that it's a social norm that we participate in, and it is generally considered good manners. 

Default gratitude is expected. Even if you don't really like the service at the restaurant, you're expected to thank your waiter. Even if you think the sweater your grandma gave you for Christmas is actually really ugly, your mom hands you the phone to call and say thanks. 

To be fair, default gratitude is not all bad. It shows that you are well-mannered and that you have an understanding of the way social interactions and expectations function. Likewise, when someone thanks you, it feels nice, even if you know it is only by necessity. There's a certain glow of pride to it for both parties that usually marks the exchange with a smile (sometimes also by default). 

Intentional gratitude, however, means far more than any generic thanks could. The way that you appreciate everything at Thanksgiving is distinctly sweet and fulfilling. The way that you take chewing for granted until you get your wisdom teeth removed, and then suddenly it is an indispensable blessing. The way that when someone writes you a birthday card that recalls specific moments and traits, it makes you feel genuinely appreciated. Intentional gratitude is a beautiful thing. It shows people you care beyond what is simply expected of you, that you really do seek to appreciate. And it is easier to achieve than most people think. 

I often hear young people complaining that mentors, instructors, or just general adults dislike them. I assure you that one of the easiest ways to change that is through intentional gratitude. Maybe when you leave your friend's house, you don't just slip out the door, but you seek to find their parents and thank them for having you over. Maybe after you interview or take a class, you email your thanks. Not just a generic thank you, but pointing out what specifically you appreciated about your time with someone, and what you loved about them. Remember something specific, and show that you genuinely listened and cared about what they had to say. 

Writing a card or an email takes at most 10 minutes of your time, usually less. It is low-effort and low-cost, but it means a lot to the people who receive your words. Most people don't take the time for intentional gratitude, both within themselves and extended to others. Maybe it's time you start. Thank the Lord for three things. Tell your mom what you love about her. Share a letter or a memory. Gratitude, when wielded well, is one of your most essential weapons for navigating this world. I urge you to take up your medium of choice and spread a little light.