The Ideal Grown-Up

Juan Ruíz

As I venture into the waters of adulthood, I find that I am encountering many questions about who I want to be, and why. I have to decide not only my career path and coursework, but the kind of human being I aspire to be. I must assess not only where I am at, but where I am going. 

We as humans have the ability of chameleons, in the sense that we are constantly capable of changing ourselves, often to fit into our environments. Because of that ability to form and reform ourselves, we are never tied down to a specific identity. You and I can be someone one day, and be a completely different someone the next. We can change our appearance, clothing, dialect, online presence, character, and friendships at the drop of a hat. Thus, we have a responsibility, or at least a need, to choose what kind of person we aspire to be. (I say "aspire" only because I doubt we will ever fully accomplish our idealized versions of ourselves.) 

For a long time, I aspired to be a "cool girl." The type of girl whose outfits are always perfectly put-together, whose hair and makeup look flawless, who has a wide circle of close friends (paradoxical, if you will), and who never lacks confidence. At some point, I aspired to be a quiet girl, and at another, I aspired to be like my dad. 

Now, I think I have finally cracked the code. I thought way back, far before I knew the girl I am now. I wanted to be so many things when I grew up, from an astronaut (typical) to an architect, to an Air Force flight nurse, to an attorney. I cycled through the list of idols and role models, and the list of goals and baby names. And at the very end, I found the version of Hannah who was terrified of teenagers. 

Way back in elementary school, the neighborhood teens were my worst fear. I would literally run away if I saw one of them at the playground. They were older and bigger and cooler and meaner than me. But it wasn't all teens. In fact, there were several teenagers whom I admired and even looked up to. These were the ones who were kind to me, who didn't care what others thought, who always lent a helpful hand, and who never looked down on other people for any reason. 

As cliché as it sounds, I think the key to finding out who you want to be is thinking back to your childhood role models. We should aspire to be the kind of people our childhood selves would look up to. 

Children, after all, have an undeniable attraction to sweets, be it people or candy. Most of the time, they know who is worth admiring. They recognize those who love them, and have an inherent sense of basic right and wrong that is unstained by life. Children know who is a "good person," and they recognize and trust those people because of it. 

In my case, a girl worth becoming is a girl who wears shiny, colorful outfits without concern for others's opinions. A girl who is constantly kind without reservation. A girl who smiles as often as possible and cries when she feels like it. I want to be the kind of girl my childhood self would look at and think "Wow. She is SO COOL." And that doesn't come from being nonchalant or selfish, but from being passionate, driven, and excited at the delights the world has to offer. 

I am not the person I want to be yet. But I sure do know the direction I'm going. And that is towards the girl that frizzy-haired, missing teeth, baby Hannah would be awed by.