What's Up with Pretty Privilege?

Vanity by Auguste Toulmouche

"That's always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around someone because they're pretty. It's like picking your breakfast cereals based on color instead of taste." -- John Green's Paper Towns

Pretty privilege is a real thing. Psychologically speaking, those who are considered attractive are generally perceived as more trustworthy or intelligent, usually leading us to treat them with more kindness and compassion. But how far does pretty privilege go?

People who are considered attractive are more likely to be hired, can sometimes get better grades, and most especially receive a kind of social respect and status that the rest of us tend to be jealous of. Technically speaking this is all partially just a result of our brains being attracted to and appreciating pretty people. On the other hand, it leads to a sense of exclusion for those who are considered not pretty and a high necessity to maintain one's beauty in order to keep the benefits that come with it. 

"No man will love you, though you gave your life for him, unless you have a pretty face." -- C. S. Lewis's Till We Have Faces

The one big complaint I hear about pretty privilege is this: the idea that so and so is more popular simply because they are pretty. And to be fair, I do think there's some truth behind it. It just so happens that a lot of the meanest girls I know have boyfriends. It can't be their inherent kindness or their open personality that attracts men, so it must be the fact that a lot of the meanest girls are also the prettiest. 

"People we love are always pretty, but people who're pretty to begin with, everybody loves them." -- William Inge's Picnic

The girls we all admire, the ones who you watch and like photos of and wish you could hang out with, usually have this aura of beauty just emanating from their whole friend group. They're fashionable, their makeup is flawless, and their hair is perfectly shiny and curled. It makes you want to be one of them. Part of the reason we admire them so much is the very fact that they are so pretty. So, in that sense, they are more popular because of their looks. 

But the accusation that usually follows pretty = popular is a little bit harder to agree with. Lots of people are quick to say that, yes, so and so is pretty, but only because so and so is rich and can afford to be pretty. When it comes to celebrities, I kind of think there's a point. Not everyone can afford to get a rhinoplasty, buccal fat surgery, or whatever other nonsense is happening in Hollywood. When it comes to celebrities, often rich does accompany pretty. But is being rich actually the reason that person is beautiful? A lot of the time, it seems like the whole reason these people become famous and get rich is that they were pretty to begin with. If you've got a bombshell face, you can make money and then spend that money to get even prettier. So, which came first? The money or the makeup? Does it really even matter?

Regardless, there's definitely a correlation between the two, especially when it comes to actresses. You'll notice that as women get older, there's a tendency that they sort of drop out of filming. You stop seeing them in movies, and when you do, they're no longer as the main love interest but as someone's mom. Unless they embrace the fact that they're getting older and make it their brand (Dolly Parton and Jennifer Coolidge), it seems like these women slowly just fade out of the spotlight. While this probably isn't putting them in any sticky financial situations, it would be fair to assume that the older you get and the fewer roles you land, the less money you're making. So, when your brand is your face, money and beauty are definitely interconnected. 

But what about the everyday person? Does our beauty have just as big of an impact? I really couldn't tell you. I definitely had a glow-up since pre-COVID (and pre-braces) Hannah is a totally different face. But I bounced around between schools and quarantine so much in that era that I really don't have a consistent audience to witness any social transformation. Do I get more attention when I'm dressed up for prom or homecoming than usual? Yes, but don't we all? And is that really correlated to enhanced beauty, or is it just because we're all on a social high and are clamoring to chat with one another?

"What good is it to be pretty?" 
"Well. . . pretty things are rare in this life." 
"But what good are they?" 
"Well. . . pretty things. . . like flowers and sunsets and rubies and pretty girls, too. . . they're like billboards telling us that life is good." -- William Inge's Picnic

It's true that lots of pretty girls have boyfriends or strong friend groups, but is the fact that they're pretty actually related to that or just a coincidence? When it comes to friends, I really don't think being pretty is that interconnected. I think sometimes pretty people just happen to clump together, and other times you get a group of 3s and one 7. But even that's just my opinion; another complicating factor in this issue is the fact that beauty is totally subjective. Even if I look at a friend group and perceive them as all being super gorgeous, they might think the same thing about my friend group. Even if I think a guy is really good-looking, my friend might think he looks like a rat. Being "conventionally attractive" is great and all, but in my opinion it doesn't seem like there really is much that everyone thinks is attractive. Having all your facial features is usually the bare minimum, but beyond that, everyone has their preferences and very few people are going to have the same type. So, is it even possible to have pretty privilege from society as a whole if society as a whole can't agree on whether you're pretty?

"But who can feel ugly, when their heart feels joy?" -- C. S. Lewis's Till We Have Faces

I think the best solution to this issue is to just let the whole thing go. Pretty people are always going to exist, and whether you perceive yourself as one of them or not really doesn't matter in the long run. You can never know whether people think you're pretty or whether that impacts how they treat you. That being said, you should still put effort into your appearance and hygiene, but don't expect it to get you social status or free coffee. If anything, what's going to get you a solid group of friends (and potentially a boyfriend, though I can't attest to that) is not having perfect lashes or an hourglass waist, but just being a nice person. 

"Physical beauty is passing -- a transitory possession -- but beauty of the mind, richness of the spirit, tenderness of the heart. . . aren't taken away but grow! Increase with the years!" -- Tennessee Williams's A Streetcar Named Desire

Nice people always have friends. Pretty people might happen to have friends, and sometimes, pretty people happen to be nice people, but usually, the key to friendship is your personality, not your looks. People might want to take cute pictures with you because you're pretty, but they won't want to talk to you or hang out with you. They'll want to develop actual, meaningful relationships with you, not for your looks but for the interesting little quirks that make up your personality. They'll want to know you for your beliefs, your interests, your talents, and your humor. Maybe a pretty face will lure them in, but it's your personality that makes them stay. 

Generally, screw pretty privilege. Maybe it exists, and maybe it doesn't, but regardless, it's not unbeatable, and in the long run, it really doesn't matter. 

"Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are." -- Markus Zusak's I Am the Messenger