Unfortunately, I am Not a Mind Reader

I think it would be really cool if I could read minds. I would automatically know what everyone thinks of me, who's actually paying attention to what I'm saying to them, and what everyone around me is worried about. It would be even cooler if other people could read my mind. They could know exactly what I'm overthinking without me having to explain it, and exactly what I want to eat for dinner without me having to actually request it. Communication would be a whole lot simpler if none of us ever had to open our mouths. 

Unfortunately, however, I am not a mind reader. 

I know. Shocker. 

And as far as I know, no one else is a mind reader either. 

The problem with this is that even though none of us can read minds, we often operate as though we expect everyone to be able to. 

There's this idea that if someone loves you, they'll know what you want without you having to say it. That if I just stay quiet long enough, eventually he'll pick up on what's wrong. If I say "I don't care" when she asks what I want to eat, she'll know that what I really mean is "Chick-fil-a." It's this idea that when a person asks how you are, and you say "I'm doing great," they'll pick up on the fact that you're actually really hurting and doing horribly. 

And to be honest, I get it. I do it all the time. I say my day was fine when it wasn't, and then I'm upset when everyone believes me. Sometimes I'm almost doing it as a way to test people, like if they love me enough, they'll be able to understand the things I'm not saying. And sometimes this is true. Sometimes, with people who have known you very well for a very long time, they can recognize the things that you aren't saying out loud. But in the majority of relationships, this just isn't true. 

A person loving you doesn't necessarily mean they can understand your every need without you telling them. Some people are genuinely just bad at picking up on subtext (me). Other people trust you enough that even if you say something that seems like it might have a deeper meaning, they're going to believe what you're actually telling them, not what they think you might be hiding. No matter the reason, though, it is far more likely that people are going to believe what you say than that they'll believe what you don't. This doesn't mean they don't love you; it just means they're listening to what you told them. 

On the other hand, a person wanting you to tell them things instead of automatically knowing them also doesn't mean they don't love you. Asking how they can help instead of inherently knowing only means that they want to love you and know you better. 

The point here is, none of us can read minds. So instead of keeping things unsaid and hoping someone hears it anyway, maybe we should start saying things out loud. Crazy idea, I know. Maybe, though, just maybe, putting your needs on the table will get them met faster. Maybe saying "Hey, I need a hug," is more effective than standing there telepathically screaming for one. Maybe asking for Zaxby's or letting someone know that your day was rough and you're going to bed early is actually a better way to allow them to help you. 

Is it easy? No. At this point, I hope you know that nothing's easy. But I would argue that the benefits of making your thoughts clear to the people around you far outweigh the potential thirty seconds of humility it takes to put them out there. And if you're worried that saying things out loud is going to make people uncomfortable, maybe those aren't the people you want to be depending on. The people who want to be there for you want to hear your problems, big or small. The people who don't probably shouldn't be the ones you confide in anyway. 

Talking things out isn't easy. But it resolves conflict faster, makes your expectations clearer, and helps people love you better in the future. Keeping things to yourself will only make you feel isolated and unheard. So just maybe, we should stop treating people like they can read minds, and start sharing the things that are actually on our hearts.