No Wonder You're Lonely

Self-Portrait of a Fortune Teller 
by Katrīna Kalēja

For a long time now, I've struggled with feelings of loneliness. It took me a year and a half to make new friends when I switched schools, and six months to make friends when I started going to a youth group. I knew people, and they knew me, but we didn't know anything about each other and never talked. Even now that I do have friends in all my frequent activities, I still catch myself feeling isolated and alone at times.

I know there are people who like being alone, and I know there are people who struggle to make relationships. Still, we can generally say that it isn't good for people to be lonely. Scripture even says in the book of Genesis that "it is not good for man to be alone." While time by ourselves can help us with reflection or relaxation, to be permanently or consistently isolated can create feelings of depression and unimportance. 

Sometimes when we are alone, we curl up into a ball and cry, and further isolate because we don't know what to do. More likely, though, we try to seek out community. And most often, we seek community in the wrong places.

The last time that you were bored, tired, or alone, where did you turn? Chances are, it was your phone. It's understandable. We want to connect with people, and what better place to do that than on the internet, where all the people are anyway? The thing is, though, putting a screen in front of your face doesn't actually replicate human interaction. You're looking at a human, yes, but they aren't looking at you, and you can't see their genuine reactions. It is a far different experience to see a flattened version of a person on your screen than it is to have a real face-to-face conversation.

As much as we think that seeing people online makes up for a lack of social interaction, we're wrong. The two are not equivalent, and when we don't get the same feeling of friendship from our phones that we would from a real interaction, we only feel more isolated, because we think that even social interaction can't make us feel more companionate. 

So what are we supposed to do? Put your phone down. Touch grass. Talk to a real human being face-to-face. Ask them what the best part of their day was. Don't have anyone living with you? Talk to the guy next door. Talk to your coworker sitting alone at lunch. Go for a walk or to a coffee shop and talk to someone. Will some people think you're weird? Absolutely. But no matter what you do, people will think you're weird, and who cares if someone thinks you're weird for making new friends while they sit wasting hours scrolling?

My sister's protest to this argument is always that she tries to talk to people, but everyone else is on their phones. Let me tell you something. There are 8 billion people on this planet. I guarantee that there is at least one other human not on their phone. Find that one person. Introduce yourself with a proper handshake and your name. (It is shocking how many people do not know how to introduce themselves.) I assure you that the other people seeking real human connection will be far more interesting and reliable friends than those who just want to turn to their phones.

If your only companion is an inanimate artificial humanity, or worse, ChatGPT, then it's no wonder that you feel lonely. Real connection is out there. Put down your phone and go look for it.