Insecurity? Jesus Gotchu Again
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| The Potter's Hand by Diomaris Tolentino |
In my head are a lot of lies. I don't feel like I'm good enough, nice enough, pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough, funny enough, or talented enough. I spend hours stuck in loops of self-criticism. I've been editing my novel for four years because I can't accept the fact that maybe it is good enough.
Maybe you're not in the exact same boat, but I can guarantee you've felt something of the same when it comes to your own insecurities. Maybe you're self-conscious about your teeth or your weight. Maybe you feel like everyone else has things figured out and you're left behind. Maybe you do a really good job putting up a facade that looks like you're cool and confident and easy-going, but really, you're terrified everyone secretly hates you.
The number of past blog posts I've been able to link to in just the first few paragraphs should tell you that I know what you're feeling. I've been writing about it for years. I've been struggling with it for longer. I know what it's like. And I also know how to fix it.
Riddle me this. Do you know who you are? Yeah, duh, I know you know your name and maybe your social security number, but do you know who you are? Yeah, you know what your favorite color is and what sport you're good at, but at the end of the day, when you're old and can't play sports and all your friends are gone, who are you? I'm not asking this to send you into a crisis. I'm asking this to lead you to a bigger question. What are you placing your identity in?
For me, it's my grades. I feel like I've failed as a decent human being when I get a B on a test. I have a crippling fear that maybe I'm not actually as smart as everyone has told me I am. I also get stuck putting my identity in dance. I am not the best dancer in the room. I will never be the best dancer in the room. I don't say that to be self-defeating; I say that because it is a genuine fact that there is always someone who is a better dancer than you. Yet despite my knowledge of the fact that I have talent and dedication, I still spend hours comparing myself every week. When I have a bad turn day, I feel like I'm useless.
Putting your identity in what you're good at doesn't work. Because one day you won't be good at it anymore, and one day someone else will be better at it. Putting your identity in the things you love is better, except when you stop loving them or they stop working. Putting your identity in your friends is okay, until you fight and you drift apart, and suddenly they're gone.
So who are you? When all of that falls apart, what's left?
Believe it or not, the Bible has an answer to that question.
From the very beginning, Scripture says that you were made in the Image of God (Genesis 1:27). When I explain that to little kids at camp, I use the analogy of looking in a mirror. God looks in the mirror and He sees you. You are a reflection of Him. You're not as good as the original, but you portray some of His characteristics, like humor and kindness.
Psalm 139 says that before you were born, God knew you in your mother's womb. He designed you for a purpose, and you are "fearfully and wonderfully made."
The Song of Solomon 4:7 says you are "altogether beautiful" and that "there is no flaw in you." Does that mean you're absolutely perfect? Of course not. You're messy, just like everyone else. But it does mean that you matter. That God made no mistake in creating you. That He designed you and your characteristics for a reason.
Isaiah 41 says that God has chosen you and that He is with you. He chose to make you for a purpose. Just two pages later in Isaiah 43, God says to "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine." He says that "you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you." Let that sink in for a second. GOD, YAHWEH, the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE, calls you PRECIOUS. The same word used to refer to jewels and gold. He says outright that He LOVES YOU. He says that you are "called by my name. . . created for my glory. . . whom I formed and made." You are made for a purpose, and you are LOVED by the Lord.
In Luke 15, Jesus tells the Parable of the Prodigal Son, in which a man's son takes his inheritance, leaves home, and squanders his money. Do you know what the Father does when the Son returns home? He RUNS to meet him. He celebrates. God loves you the same way as the Father loves his child.
So if the guy who created everything says that you have value, who are you to declare otherwise? The Bible calls us His "workmanship." His "handiwork." We are created by His artistry and made beautiful in Him.
Some of you don't believe that. Some of you, like me, logically know that and understand it, but still doubt it. You have the knowledge of who God says you are, but you struggle to believe that what He's saying is true. You struggle to believe that God is big enough, kind enough, and powerful enough to love you. I can assure you that He is.
I've been struggling with insecurity for years. I've prayed about it dozens of times. But it wasn't until this past week that something changed. Last Wednesday, I was at youth group. (Shoutout WAKE.) I was on my knees in worship, something I've done dozens of times. I was crying, something I do frequently. I was praying out loud because it's so loud in that room that no one else can hear you, and it helps me get the words out. And in my messy, incoherent words, with eyeliner literally all over my face, I prayed three things.
I prayed that God would help me to see myself the way that He sees me.
I prayed that He would make my thoughts like His.
I prayed that He would allow me to see clearly where He is working in my life.
These are not new prayers. I have prayed them all before, in varying degrees of emotional stability. But this was the first time that I genuinely meant it. This was the first time I was really letting go of control, laying it down at His feet.
And it worked.
I've been self-conscious about my acne for about five years. The very next morning after I prayed that prayer, I woke up free of any shame about my skin. I looked in the mirror and smiled at myself, despite the fact that I was breaking out. It took me about three hours to realize that my prayers were being answered.
You may be doubting, but let me tell you this. God is REAL. He is real, and He is powerful. However, He has nothing but love for you in his heart. His words about you are the only words that last. And he says you are LOVED. He says that you matter. When I tell you that He can change the way you see yourself, I mean it.
In the Spirit of the Lord, there is power. In the arms of the Lord, there is love. And I cannot recommend more that you accept it.
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