Permission to Lament

Edouard Manet Standing
by Degas

I spent many years of my life restricting my emotions. I felt that a "good Christian" who possesses the joy of the Lord should never feel what I categorized as negative emotions, such as pain, sorrow, and anger. In reality, all of humanity can and should feel even emotions that hurt. Those emotions do not negate joy, and they do not necessarily indicate poor spiritual health. Instead, they are a real facet of this life that Christians must learn to handle with grace. 

"A man is not a bird, to come and go with springtime." - Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman

I have already made it clear in my writing that joy and happiness are not the same thing. Happiness is a manifestation of pleasure with our current situation and surroundings. I feel happiness when I eat a box of Cheez-its, spend time with my family, drink coffee, sit outside, or clean my room. Happiness is not evil, nor false, nor final. It is simply a moment of enjoying the good gifts of God's world. 

Joy, on the other hand, is a fruit of the Spirit. Thus, it exists only in the dwelling of the Holy Spirit, and thereby only in Christians. This is not to say that non-believers do not know or desire joy, as C.S. Lewis describes his entire conversion in Surprised by Joy as a search for the joy that was absent in his life. Joy is a deeper feeling than happiness. It is the happiness, contentment, and comfort that comes from the knowledge of Christ's unending love for us, regardless of circumstance. Even when we are unhappy and abused, we can still experience joy, as joy is founded in Christ, not feeling. 

"Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth." - Fyodor Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment

Possessing and experiencing joy, however, does not disqualify all emotions of hurt, as I formerly thought it should. We can have joy in trusting God's faithfulness, yet still grieve our present circumstances. Jesus Himself, while he walked on earth, felt grief at the death of Lazarus, anguish at the prospect of the cross, and righteous anger at the desecration of the Temple. These real, human emotions, though they are often categorized as being negative, have a place in the lives of Christians. 

However, like all things of this earth, these emotions have the potential to be manipulated or to become sinful. We must be careful to monitor our feelings and actions with discernment and repent where necessary. I heard one friend say that "this life is the only chance we have to worship God with weeping," as all tears will be wiped away in the New Earth. I think this posture is exactly correct. We ought to use our weeping, grieving, and mourning as opportunities to lean on God, not to run away from Him. 

"It's not that I'm unaware of suffering and the soon-to-be-more suffering in the world; it's that I know the suffering exists besides wet grass and a bright blue sky recently scrubbed by rain. The beauty and the suffering are equally true." - Ann Patchett's Tom Lake

This is where the practice of lament comes in. Lamenting is not venting, nor is it complaining. Lamenting, according to Sean Curry, is an expression of painful emotion that draws us closer to God. It is the prayer that appears repeatedly throughout the Psalms, in which the author cries that God has abandoned Him. It is the begging of Jesus in the garden to remove the cup. Lamenting is the real, human outpouring of desperate emotion combatted by the knowledge and expression of trust in God. 

It is important to note, as Mike Rasmussen does, that lament is not intended to be a theological exposition. The Psalmist and Jesus Himself both ask God why He has forsaken them. This is not to suggest that God has genuinely abandoned them, but that there is a deep feeling of loneliness present. In the same way, our lament can and should honestly express the way that we are feeling, so long as within it we also remind ourselves of God's perpetual goodness. For example, a lament that I often pray is "Lord, I don't know what you are doing, and I cannot understand how it is good, but I trust that you keep your promises of good plans to prosper me and not to harm me." 

Christians do not always feel happy. They do, however, have a responsibility to process their emotions wisely, and often, wisdom looks like reaching for God. Sometimes, that reaching jumps for joy. Other times, it is stretching out a single finger as we crawl along the floor. No matter the case, lament is a real, valuable experience for Christians, and should be practiced and taught as such. 

"We clump together in our sorrow. In joy we may wander off in our separate directions, but in sorrow we prefer to hold hands." - Ann Patchett's Tom Lake